Bar Crawl.


Chat Shit, Get Banged: The Luke Lenzner Story

We know how to have a good time, but the various trolls of the alt-right have some weird ideas about what a fun night out looks like.  Take 34-year-old Luke Lenzner.  He decided a great date with his wife would be for them to hit several Portland bars, where he’d threaten the patrons and lie about being a veteran (thought right wing extremists were against “stolen valor?”).  “Come outside and see what happens” he challenged people drinking at The Vern – all of whom were minding their own business when Lenzner waltzed in, trying to provoke a fight.

Lenzner’s dry spell came to an abrupt end at Growler’s Taproom, where Lenzner decided to confront a biracial couple and got a big ol’ shiner for his efforts.  Which is, of course, what he wanted; by now you’ve probably noticed a pattern of alt-right trolls picking fights with anti-fascists, racialized people, LGBTQ+ people, etc. and then when they come out on the losing end, filing charges with their police pals, uploading heavily-edited video, and ca$hing in via crowdfunders.  Right, Andy Ngo?

Anyways, Lenzner’s narrative of being a poor innocent victim attacked by the savage leftist mobs of Portland just because of his MAGA hat quickly collapsed when video of his antics at other bars that night surfaced.  But the two people who “attacked” Lenzner were still up on charges & had to raise money to defend themselves, which we of course pitched in to help out with.

And here’s the happy ending: a grand jury threw out all the charges against the accused couple!  This probably isn’t the last we’ve heard from Lenzner, but hopefully he’s deep in his hole, licking his wounds, for a long time.